


Sometimes You Need To Grow (Up)

by Everyday_Im_Preaching



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Angst, Confessions, Established Relationship, F/M, Romance, a little bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 15:58:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10902654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Everyday_Im_Preaching/pseuds/Everyday_Im_Preaching
Summary: Evfra and Ryder are similar to children; when one gets angry, they cut themselves off from the other without a second thought, to save themselves some pain.That is, until one of them steps up and grows some quads.





	Sometimes You Need To Grow (Up)

Ryder let out a miserable, exaggerated sigh—her fingers were clutched tightly around the cold cup of coffee in her hand. She was bundled up in a ratty robe and had taken to haunting the mess hall, settled in the corner farthest from the door.

“Sitting in here isn't going to solve your problems.” Drack grunted at her, giving her a once-over. “When was the last time you slept?” Ryder shrugged at him, drawing her feet up onto the chair.

“ _Ryder has not had a full night's sleep for the last three days._ ” SAM responded in place of Ryder. Drack flicked his eyes up at the ceiling, trying to place where the AI's voice came from. After a moment, he gave up and turned his attention back to Ryder. With a sigh, he pulled a chair over and sat down, straddling it between his legs.

“Alright. What's eating at you kid?” Drack questioned, voice gruff and heavy with concern. “I've told you once, and I'll tell you again—you don't have to go through this alone.” Ryder let out another sigh, letting her head fall and frowning.

“It's Evfra.” Ryder managed out, voice quiet. Drack let out a hum, lips pressed together in a grim line. “He's mad at me.” She fiddled with the cup in her hands. Ryder drew her chewed and broken fingernails along the outside of the colourful mug, tracing the flowered pattern on the outside of it. Ryder slowly looked up, catching Drack's eye. “I think it's my fault.”

“You _think_ it's your fault?” Drack questioned, eye ridge raising in question. “It's either your fault or not, there's no middle ground there kid.” Ryder groaned and leaned back in her chair. “What happened?” Ryder murmured something under her breath.

“I don't exactly know. I just know he came in when I was hugging Vetra, and he just...he stormed off. He was so _angry.”_ Ryder drew her knees tight to her chest, pressing her wet eyes against her knees. “And I don't know what I did wrong to make him so upset with me—he won't even answer my calls.” She lifted her head to rub at one of her eyes, sniffling loudly. “He's holed himself up inside the resistance headquarters and won't see me either.”

Drack was quiet for a moment, tongue working behind his teeth as if he were practising what he was going to say before speaking. Ryder fisted a hand in her hair, tugging at it sharply;

“I'm not saying how Evfra reacted was right, but I understand why he did it. And he ain't mad at you. Or if he was, he ain't anymore.” Drack began, laying his hands on the table. “A man like that, a man that's lost everything—once he gets something he can call his own again, he gets selfish about it.” Ryder shifted in her chair, looking away from Drack. “You're a physically affectionate person by nature, Sara. Ain't nothing gonna change that, and that includes big blue. You _aren't_ gonna change the way you are to make him happy, but you also can't completely close yourself off when he's angry at you. You need to grow some quads, muscle past them guards, and make it known that you're his woman, and that you plan on keeping that title.”

Ryder sat still for a couple of moments, considering the proposition. Drack had never steered her wrong before, when she'd come to him for advice. There's no way he'd start giving shitty advice now. Ryder winced as she unfolded her legs, letting the balls of her feet ghost the cold linoleum of the kitchen floor.

“Do you think that'd work?” Ryder asked quietly, unclenching the hand in her hair. She attempted to run it through the unbrushed locks, only to have it get caught admist twisted, uncooperative knots. She winced, mildly ashamed at her lack of self-care.

“Yeah. Think it'd work even better if you went the way you are.” Drack teased; he grunted as he rose from his chair, and Ryder heard his bones pop and groan in protest. “You'd scare the shit out of him.” Ryder rolled her eyes, gathering herself up and standing as well.

“You, sir, are just being an ass at this point.” Ryder informed him.

“If you say so. Bet if Lexi sees you, you'll take a hundred years off her life.” Drack continued, never losing his grin. “She'll mother-hen you all the way back to the Milky Way.” Ryder rolled her eyes and slipped out of the kitchen, making sure to check for the doctor before daring to her chambers; Drack's unrestrained laughter followed behind her. At least _someone_ found this funny.

 

 _Sara, it's okay to be scared._ SAM reminded her gently; Ryder had spent the last five minutes convincing herself to put one foot in front of the other, until she was standing in front of resistance headquarters. _You care a great deal for Evfra, and you don't want to lose him. That's why you're here._

“That's why I'm here. Right.” Ryder agreed, bobbing her head in a rushed nod. There was a snort from behind her, and she jumped; turning, she saw the Moshae standing behind her on the steps. The angaran woman said nothing for a moment, resting her arms in a loose cross over her chest.

“You're speaking of Evfra.” It wasn't a question; it actually sounded dispirited; as if all emotion had drained out of the woman since the two had last met. Ryder frowned, brow furrowing in confusion. “No need to look at me like that.” The Moshae told her, lips pursing.

“Are you okay?” Ryder asked, ignoring her. The Moshae's eyes twitched, narrowing at the human in front of her. “I'm serious; you look _terrible._ You should take a nap or something—nap's always help.” She advised, stuffing her hands in the pocket of her hoodie. Moshae Sjefa didn't seem amused, lips turning into a full-blown frown.

“Evfra has been in a fit ever since you docked. He's driving headquarters half-crazy, when he doesn't have himself holed inside his office.” The Moshae shifted her weight from one foot to the other, regarding Ryder with suspicion. Ryder shrugged at her, eyes dragging along the scenery behind the Moshae, not staying long on anything in particular.

“Wonder what's got him in such a mood.” Ryder asked playfully, voice faltering halfway through and falling into despair. “Actually I know exactly what has him like this. That's why I'm here.” She angled her feet inward, tapping them against stone. The Moshae let out a quiet hum; arms tucked neatly behind her back.

“Then what are you waiting for?” The Moshae questioned, tilting her head so she could look at the human. “We are not getting any younger, Pathfinder.” Ryder snorted, hunching her shoulders up around her ears.

“I'm half hoping that I spontaneously combust. Ashes don't have to deal with relationship issues.” Ryder muttered, walking up the stone steps.

“They also cannot have them. I'm sure Evfra would be devastated at such a development.” The Moshae replied; her steps echoed in the opposite direction. “I expect the two of you to be on good terms by the time I return.”

“ _You two should be on good terms by the time I return._ ” Ryder mocked quietly. She swore she heard SAM scoff somewhere deep in her mind, along their personal channel. She narrowed her eyes, but proceeded through the now open doors of the resistance headquarters. Several angaran guards eyed her suspiciously, and Ryder saw one skitter away from her out of the corner of her eye. Wonderful.

Not a single guard spoke to her as she passed through the near-empty halls. It was like Evfra's rage had turned the entire building into a ghost town, sans the ghosts. Ryder wanted to laugh; she held back, however. Who knew what sort of cataclysmic event it might trigger when it broke the silence. As she approached Evfra's office, the guards stationed outside shuffled nervously, looking at each other with alarm.

“Evfra isn't currently accepting visitors.” One guard told her, shifting in place. Ryder's eyebrows shot up, adopting an unamused expression.

_They're nervous._

“You see, I get that.” Ryder told both the guards and SAM. “But you and I both know that if I leave now, then he's just going to get worse. So just scooch your handsome butts aside and let me on in, huh?” The guards shared another look, then focused their eyes back on Ryder.

“I...we really shouldn't let you in, Pathfinder.” He stated again. “In fact, we were explicitly told _not_ to.”

“Oh come on. You and I both know that Evfra doesn't mean that. We all say things that we don't mean, and we end up regretting them later. And the two of you will be regretting it later if his mood worsens.” Ryder was clenching and unclenching her fingers, letting them run along the soft pocket of her hoodie. The guards still seemed to hesitate. “Guys, please. I'm worried about him.” One of them groaned, then sighed, then moved aside. His partner did likewise.

“If we get in trouble for this, Pathfinder--”

“I assure you, nothing bad is going to happen to the two of you.” Ryder told them in an instant, slipping past them before they could change their minds. “Thank you _so_ much. I'll see what I can do about getting you two a raise or something.” She twisted briefly to face them as she spoke, giving them each a finger-gun for their cooperation. They shook their heads and returned to their earlier position beside the door.

 

“Evfra?” Ryder called softly as she stepped into his office; it was dark, save for the light filtering in through the window against the back wall. The figure sitting at the desk jump, shoulders tensing. “Hey.”

“They let you in?” Evfra asked in a guttural rumble, words spat between his teeth like he'd tasted something foul. “What good are guards who don't do their job?” Ryder didn't say anything, standing in the doorway. When Evfra realised that she wasn't going to argue, he let out a disgusted sigh. “What do you want? Can't you see I'm busy?”

“Maybe busy ruining your eyesight.” Ryder corrected. With small, measured steps, she approached the angara. “Can you even see well enough to work on...whatever you're furiously scribbling on over there?” Ryder was roughly ten feet from him now, trying to swallow her nerves. “Evfra, look. I'm sorry. I don't know what I did, exactly, but I don't want to lose what we have because I did something stupid. I love you.”

The air between them was tense and silent for what seemed like an eternity. Evfra had stopped writing, had stopped moving—hell, Ryder was pretty sure he'd stopped _breathing._ The pen in his hand looked about ready to crack with how hard he gripped it.

"Can we talk about this? Please?” Ryder tried again, taking another step forward; she was now within range of touching him, but didn't dare. He'd never been this angry with her before. After another minute of silence, Ryder scowled. The awkward nervousness was bleeding out of her, and quickly. Pulling her hands out of her pockets, she placed them on the desk and hauled herself on top of it, and on top of Evfra's work. Papers and tiny plastic toys flew from the angarans desk, clattering to the floor and skittering across the tile.

“Sara.” Evfra snapped, raising from his chair without the need for further goading. “What on earth do you think you're doing?” His hands were balled into fists, face twisted into a snarl—which dropped instantly when he noticed the bruised, dark circles beneath Ryder's eyes. Lack of sleep had rendered her paler than normal, and emphasized the premature wrinkles that played at the corners of her mouth and along the lines of her eyes.  “Sara.” It was softer this time. “You look terrible.” Ryder snorted.

“You don't look much better. Sorry to say.” Ryder told him, feeling a hand gently cup her jaw. Evfra looked twice as haggard and tired as herself. “Also, sorry to kill your little ecosystem of plastic dinosaurs.”

“You built it. It is fitting that you destroy it as well.” Evfra told her, gently brushing a thumb across her cheek. “You haven't been sleeping.” He was leaning forward now, pressing his hips against the edge of the table.

“Neither have you.” Ryder replied, pulling her legs up under her in a cross. He let his hand drop to caress her neck, and then over the curve of her shoulder. “I need to know why you're mad at me, Evfra.”

“I'm not mad at you.” Evfra grunted, eyes roaming over Ryder's form. “What have you eaten the last few days? Something substantial, I hope. I can ask the guards to bring you something if not.” Ryder rolled her eyes.

“Stop that. We need to talk about this, or it's going to fester. You can't just shove it away like it never happened.” Ryder told him, scooting forward on the desk so he could grab at her better. Evfra did exactly that, wrapping and arm awkwardly around her back and bracing his chin atop her head. “You know I love you above everyone else, right?” Evfra let out a soft grunt, turning his head so his cheek now rested on the crown of her head.

“Sometimes I don't.” Evfra muttered softly, almost too quiet to hear. “Sometimes, I feel as if you're a ghost, and if I blink, you'll simply disappear. Or that another lover will come along and steal you away from me.” Ryder frowned, wrapping her arms around his wide shoulders; she drew him in so he laid his face against her collarbone.

“Evfra, baby. No.” Ryder murmured. “At least, I'm pretty sure I'm not some sort of ghost. I think.” Ryder furrowed her brows, and Evfra placed a gentle kiss to where they attempted to meet. “And I don't think I'll find anyone that I'd rather spend the rest of my life with.” Evfra rumbled weakly at this; he rose his head higher, pressing his forehead against hers. That familiar tingle of electricity made Ryder sigh in relief. “You don't need to worry so much. I am a one-hundred percent, die-hard, Evfra de Tershaav fangirl.”

Evfra chuckled, lowering his lips to press against hers in a shy, questioning kiss. She returned the affection with a gentle pressure. Evfra relaxed further, pulling away so he could litter her cheeks with tiny pecks.

“I cannot spend nearly as much time with you that I want to. We both have so many duties, it's hard to imagine that one day you _won't_ find that other lover. One that can spend every minute of his time exploring the world— _every_ world—thrice over with you _.”_ Evfra told her. “Or that you will simply never come back--” His arms tightened around her. “--I cannot bear to lose you to either. Hiding from this was a stupid, _stupid_ idea that I should never have considered. It hasn't only hurt me, but _you_ as well.”

“Hey, we're both new at this kind of thing. We're both going to be stupid. I mean we already are—have you seen our line of work?” Evfra let out a low chuckle. “In the future, if you're ever worried about anything like this, you can come to me. I'm not going to get defensive or mean—I just want to be able to, I don't know, soothe you maybe? Because you need to know that I am not going anywhere, not going to fall in love with anyone else, and I'm _certainly_ not going to die. I promise.”

“That's a large promise. Sure you can keep it?” Evfra questioned. Ryder let out a quiet hum, thinking about it for a moment.

“Everything but the dying part, I guess. All humans die eventually. But it sure as hell isn't going to be in the near future—I've got shit to do.” Ryder told him, lips twitching up into a grin. “But when I do die, I'm going to go out with a _bang._ ” Evfra rolled his eyes, kissing her once more.

“Of course you are.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading--if you enjoyed, please leave a comment below! It helps inspire me and ensures that I get more fanfiction out!
> 
> Song that inspired this fic:  
> One Way Love by Allison Weiss
> 
> Want to stay updated? Click [here](http://everyday-im-preaching.tumblr.com/) to stay in the know!


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